Another Saturday.......

So working out was pretty good this week. I went on Monday w/my husband. I went on Wednesday morning w/Nikki. I skipped Thursday and Friday. My son had a baby root canal on Friday so that was just a stressful day on it's own. I woke up bright and early and worked out w/Dee for like an hour and a half today. She is so sweet....she bought me some workout gloves. She really makes me want to continue to work out. It's nice having a friend to workout with and to work towards a goal with. Someone that is positive. I've lost 2 more lbs. So I'm doing good thus far. We'll see what happens next week.

Just another Sunday......

So today was cool. We woke up...took the kids to Chuck E Cheese. Did some grocery shopping. Spent some time with the family. Now I'm sitting here watching Rock of Love 2. Love this show....about a bunch of catty....in heat girls fighting over a has been rock star. AMAZING! I weighed myself and I lost another 2 lbs. I was very happy.
So with my goal of losing weight also comes some soul searching and personal self analysis. I have a tendency to always expect the worst. I think that this is a way for me to protect myself in a way because if I am always expecting the worse to happen.......then if and when it really does.....it doesn't hurt as much. This would also be the same situation when it comes to personal relationships. I have a hard time truly letting people into my personal bubble. Look at my husband. I've known him since I was 15.....and because of our "growing" pains.....I even keep him at a distance sometimes. It's sad to say......but I don't think I truly trust anyone. When I say truly....I mean with everything that is near and dear to my heart. This could be applied to so much in my life. Such as work.......I put myself into my work........I try to do the best so I can exceed for my family, but I always expect the worse. I am one of those "the glass is almost empty" kind of girls. I also have a tendency to not forgive...definitely not forget. I will bring up stuff from 1,000 years ago in the most random of situations and I dunno why I do it. Actually that's a lie, I do know why I do it. I don't feel that some of the wrongs that were done against me were truly ever apologized for and or even regretful by the people who have wronged me. I feel that for me to truly get over something and forgive someone....I have to see and feel their remorse. If not, then what would stop that person from doing it again. Does this make sense? So tonight I was reading some self-help stuff and there was something that I read that really hit me and made a lot of sense. The statement said:

To be free and have peace you must forgive; to forgive means you give up your perceived power and can be hurt again.Not forgiving means they own a piece of you. Even if you never face the offender again, they wield the power to intrude in your thoughts, feelings and choices. They now perpetrate the offense over and over in your mind. If you are not freed from the offense, you are destroyed by it.

The question is not do they deserve forgiveness but do you deserve to be freed from the offense. You are the author of your life condition. You decide, "trapped" or "freed".

So I am going to make a big effort at being a more "positive" thinker. To let go of the pain of my past and try to move onto a bright future. This will hopefully make me into a better person entirely. You may be asking how this ties into weight loss?? Well.....I think a lot of my weight issues comes from when I was little. Lets start w/my parents. My Mom has always been itty bitty. So growing up I was always a chubby little girl and hearing from her always "You are so pretty...if only you could lose some weight....then you'd be perfect." Well....this always gave me a sense of never being good enough. My father....always had weight issues himself and as a little girl he use to try to bribe me with money or presents if I lost weight. Now both always on me about weight, but never implemented anything in our lives as a family that changed our eating habits. So the family keeps eating and just jumping on my back about my weight problems. So I get a little older. Now comes the part where the emotional eating comes into play. So I already feel that I am not good enough......now my parents are fighting constantly. So...what does Ann do? I eat to cope w/a very unhealthy family life. Yah so I know what you're saying, "Oh poor you blah blah blah." But I think you have to look at the past to understand your present and change your future. So to continue. Her comes awkward high school. I meet my very first love of my life and future husband. Which meeting someone in high school and marrying them years down the road is an ideal situation....don't get me wrong. But my husband was not......how you say....purest of men when we met. So for a young girl who already has self-esteem issues to deal w/a man who is VERY experienced was intimidating. Then we went through the whole "Do I want to be with you or do I not want to be with you? Are we just friends....are we more?" Dating other people. Me being there while he dated other people and vice versa. Can you say "Rip My Heart Out What Don't YOU!!!!!" I know.....this is stuff everyone goes through, but binge eating was my way of dealing. Then my daddy passes away. More emotional baggage. More drama with the husband while we were dating. More low self esteem. Kids......baby weight. And here I am today. That was 27 years summarized in a very long paragraph.
Ok so enough with my random self insights and issues. So hopefully this blog with kind of serve as not only a weight loss tracking for me, but to also vent about the things that go on inside my head that I can not always express verbally to the people around me. Ok everyone.....night!

Ok......end of another week

So I didn't work out as much as I'd like to this week. I went Monday w/the hubby. Tuesday I skipped....Wednesday I worked out.........Thursday I skipped and Friday and today I worked out. Today's work out was very good. We burned like 340 calories on the eliptical and did our weights today. I lost 1 lb. It's ok....cause like I told Dee......muscle weighs more than fat....so we are gaining muscles =)

Ok so.....

I didn't lose any lbs this week....but it's okay. I'm not gonna let it get to me. I'm determined to keep working out. After the workout I generally feel really good.....kinda like that feeling where you can do anything. If I had a cape with a big "s" on it....I'd wear it after working out because that's whole it makes me feel =). Ok the image of me running around with a super cape on just gave me the giggles. Anywho.....me and Dee worked out yesterday morning. It was slightly disappointing because we didn't get a chance to do our normal 30-40 minutes on the eliptical....but it's okay......we did the bike and we got to do a cool down on the elipitcal. I wonder if Dee's arms are sore? Hmmmm......

I read Dee's blog this morning. I see that she has linked my blog. Hello all that might be reading mine because Dee has linked you here. She's such a funny girl......she makes working out so much easier. Westley was sick Friday night and I was awake most of the night and got like 3 hours of sleep. But I still got up and worked out Saturday. It was good. Dee is my motivation because I don't wanna disappoint my workout buddy. She's such an amazing person.

Finally the end of the week.....

So I was running late for the gym this morning. But it' okay.....I still got in 40 minutes of cardio and I'm planning on meeting Dee in the morning. I'm suppose to meet her at 8:30......usually I'm not even awake at that hour, but I'm making an effort to go to the gym as much as possible. I'll weigh myself Sunday.

Almost the End.....

So with the week ending its been good. I worked out Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and I'll work tomorrow as well. I missed one day because Brandon was really sick. So as long as I can keep up this habit.....2008 will be a lot better than 2007. I'll see what the weight update is this weekend.

The Monday From Hell....

So I worked out w/the hubby last night. We got done about 10:00pm. I understand that most of the population that has to be awake and at work by 8:00am are usually in bed by now......but no not me.....I'm a rebel. So around....11:30 Westley decides he would like to watch Alien VS Predator 2. So we start to watch it, I couldn't stop and go to bed. So figured since I just got done working out @ 10pm.......it's kinda crazy to work out at 6am again. So.....I texted Dee @ like 1am letting her know that 6am would not work out for me today and we'd go after work. Well I stayed for overtime at work....so no work out after work either. So I will be going in about an hour and a half to work out with the hubby again. So so far....everything is on track. I will be at the gym by 6am to work out w/Dee tomorrow though.